Pretty? Who? Me?

Self image is a hard thing to grasp. For the longest time I never quite saw what others saw. I still don't. I have never considered myself one of the pretty girls. Cute, sure, but not pretty. No matter how much weight I lose I will never be one of those wafer thin girls with long gorgeous hair and delicate features. I have a short torso, and round face, and broad shoulders that would make women who wore shoulder pads in the 80's jealous. My chest has always been too big for my body and I could slap a woman for even thinking about getting bigger breasts lol.  I have thin legs that are well toned, but don't match the flabbiness that is my stomach...This is how I see myself. So when someone compliments me I thank them like a good girl should but in my head I am thinking "Pffft yeah right!". It's something I am working on. I was recently told that my body shape is starting to mirror Marilyn Monroe's. I can see that, but that doesn't mean I think that I am gorgeous.

"It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others.

- Sydney J. Harris"

I have always been comfortable with other people. Just not with myself..I say that, but I guess on the outside I appeared comfortable but on the inside I was usually thinking about how something on them looks soooo much better than it does on me. I used to be one of those people who lied to myself and said "Fat is beautiful too"...Don't get me wrong. Some overweight people ARE beautiful on the inside. But if they are anything like me no matter how many times you tell yourself that you are fine with your appearance there are times when it makes you sick inside. I had to grasp that. It's not about wanting to fit in or look gorgeous all the time..It's about knowing that you are healthier, that you can do things now that you couldn't do before. I FEEL better inside. I get sick a LOT less and I am finally feeling comfortable in my own skin. Flab and all.  Being comfortable with yourself however is not an excuse to being unhealthy. That's the thing no one wants to hear.

In order to survive this journey I have had to tell myself every single day that I can do it. And that it is all worth it. It is worth it. It's not easy. It's hard and you have to train yourself to WANT it every single day.