What if I'm never thin?!

 This week has been an eye opener for me. Have you ever wanted to do something just to prove that you can? I have spent years and years avoiding issues. It's what I do best. I am one of the most non confrontational people I know. I let things stew inside me and eat me alive for a while until one thing just hits the wrong way and I explode. So on the outside I come across as somewhat of a butt kisser because it's easier for me to just say "I'm right on top of it, whatever you need" than to say "Wait a minute,no.." It's kind of how I have handled my lifelong journey of weight issues as well. Sure, I'm all over it! I'm working on it! Whatever you need. But I'm not. I'm not dealing with the real issue because that is painful, and who wants to deal with pain when it's so easy to avoid it?  Behind every obese person there is a reason for that obesity. Sure genetics play a factor, but genetics didn't put on all that weight...we did. Not only did we do it to ourselves but something had to have happened to trigger it. I've been doing some soul searching this week to figure out what my trigger was. The easy answer is the fact that I've never dealt with the fact that my grandfather died and I felt abandoned and alone on the inside for a long time. However, that's not it, because I have been struggling with my weight since high school. Since junior high..Since elementary school.

Digging more and more into my past and my weight issues I think I have finally solved the equation. I will NEVER be...a tiny girl. You know the girls I'm talking about..The ones who are just blessed thin.

See the first girl? That girl is the reason for my weight issues, because NO matter HOW much I work out or how much weight I lose I will NEVER look like this girl. Growing up with three sisters who did look like this girl confused me as a child, angered me as a teen, and depressed me as an adult. I never truly got it through my head that I am quite simply not built that way. And why not?! We have similar genes, why did I get the fat one? And honestly, I think my mom was a tad confused herself. It was like we both thought that I just wasn't trying hard enough to be thin. As my sweet boyfriend likes to put it, I'm a "farm girl".. I am sturdy...in other words, my body puts muscle on fast and regardless of how small I get I will always have broad shoulders and arm and leg muscles like a gymnast. Don't even get me started on my chest and face. My face is round and people say I was "blessed" with Pamela Anderson's fake boobs....I despise them but they are a part of me and unless I become a millionaire and buy myself a new body they are not going anywhere.

Bottom line, I woke up this morning and just decided that I can't be that thin girl, but I sure as heck was going to try and be as fit and thin as possible for my frame because I want to see what my body CAN look like.  Do I enjoy dieting and working out? About as much as I would enjoy being burned alive...But I will not quit, I will not give up, I will have setbacks, but I will get back on track. Impossible just became my new favorite word.