What if I'm never thin?!

 This week has been an eye opener for me. Have you ever wanted to do something just to prove that you can? I have spent years and years avoiding issues. It's what I do best. I am one of the most non confrontational people I know. I let things stew inside me and eat me alive for a while until one thing just hits the wrong way and I explode. So on the outside I come across as somewhat of a butt kisser because it's easier for me to just say "I'm right on top of it, whatever you need" than to say "Wait a minute,no.." It's kind of how I have handled my lifelong journey of weight issues as well. Sure, I'm all over it! I'm working on it! Whatever you need. But I'm not. I'm not dealing with the real issue because that is painful, and who wants to deal with pain when it's so easy to avoid it?  Behind every obese person there is a reason for that obesity. Sure genetics play a factor, but genetics didn't put on all that weight...we did. Not only did we do it to ourselves but something had to have happened to trigger it. I've been doing some soul searching this week to figure out what my trigger was. The easy answer is the fact that I've never dealt with the fact that my grandfather died and I felt abandoned and alone on the inside for a long time. However, that's not it, because I have been struggling with my weight since high school. Since junior high..Since elementary school.

Digging more and more into my past and my weight issues I think I have finally solved the equation. I will NEVER be...a tiny girl. You know the girls I'm talking about..The ones who are just blessed thin.

See the first girl? That girl is the reason for my weight issues, because NO matter HOW much I work out or how much weight I lose I will NEVER look like this girl. Growing up with three sisters who did look like this girl confused me as a child, angered me as a teen, and depressed me as an adult. I never truly got it through my head that I am quite simply not built that way. And why not?! We have similar genes, why did I get the fat one? And honestly, I think my mom was a tad confused herself. It was like we both thought that I just wasn't trying hard enough to be thin. As my sweet boyfriend likes to put it, I'm a "farm girl".. I am sturdy...in other words, my body puts muscle on fast and regardless of how small I get I will always have broad shoulders and arm and leg muscles like a gymnast. Don't even get me started on my chest and face. My face is round and people say I was "blessed" with Pamela Anderson's fake boobs....I despise them but they are a part of me and unless I become a millionaire and buy myself a new body they are not going anywhere.

Bottom line, I woke up this morning and just decided that I can't be that thin girl, but I sure as heck was going to try and be as fit and thin as possible for my frame because I want to see what my body CAN look like.  Do I enjoy dieting and working out? About as much as I would enjoy being burned alive...But I will not quit, I will not give up, I will have setbacks, but I will get back on track. Impossible just became my new favorite word.

After all...tomorrow is another day

"I can't think about this now. I'll go crazy if I do. I'll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day"

One of my favorite movies of all time is Gone With the Wind. When I was younger my Papa introduced me to this wonderful movie. I had gone over to stay with him and my grandmother when I got a case of the mumps. He sat and watched the entire movie with me. I fell in love with the characters and from then on anytime I was feeling sick or down I would pop it in. There was something to be said for that silly woman and her amazing strength. Life threw so many obstacles her way and most were caused by her own doing but she overcame time and time again. My life has been a month of obstacles it seems. I can honestly say that I am beyond grateful that the month of October is over.

So here it is, a new month, a new day. I am sad because once again I have lost something that I have wanted so badly for so long. I have gone through so many emotions in the last 2 weeks that I am surprised my mind has survived. I have been angry, sad, grief stricken, annoyed, confused, hopeful, and lost. There is still a very small chance that all of this is for nothing, but I won't find out the end result until Friday. I don't need the doctor to confirm to me what I know I have already lost and I refuse to have hope for a better outcome. So this month will be a month of healing. I will pick myself back up, turn my back on the thoughts that I don't want to think, and will continue on with my life with just a memory of once again what could have been.

All this brings me to carbs. I turn to food when I am sad. I am an emotional eater. I know this and yet I let myself spiral into a 15lb weight gain in a 3 week period. I know that it will take a month or more to lose that weight and yet it went on sooo simply. The last time I was in this situation my circumstances were much worse. I had to have a very painful surgery with a painful recovery time. This time I don't have that so there is no excuse for me to continue to sit around this house and behave like my life is over. Everyone says all the things that I don't want to hear. I know they mean well, but I don't agree that "this happened for a reason, that there is a time for everything, that I will be ok and can try again"..I know all these things, I do, but my heart screams that they just don't understand..I've always been a tad dramatic according to my mother..I get it from her =)

So today I will allow myself this one last day of grief. I will go to the doctor on Friday and accept the outcome because I have already let go of the hope of a better one. I will pick myself up tomorrow and get back on my workout wagon. After all Elle in Legally Blonde said it best "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy" And I just want to be happy.

I couldn't have gotten through any of this without my Tony. I honestly know that he is the reason I have not let myself sink into that black hole of depression again. He keeps me happy and creates a tiny glimmer of hope that there are great things in our future. I also know that I am lucky to already have one amazing child who I live for and I don't want to teach him the wrong lessons. I want him to learn that tomorrow is another day and that by the grace of God he will get through life's obstacles.

Change is scary...Right?

So here in about 3 months I will be celebrating the first anniversary of my 29th birthday...ahem the big 3..0.. I am soooo not a fan of this but have decided that if I must be 30 I am at least going to do it looking good. AND HAPPY. There are so many areas of my life that I am happy with and some that I am not so happy with. For instance, I have worked at the same job for the past 11 years. Not a bad thing. But it's not my dream job. I think it took me 11 years to wake up and realize what it was I actually wanted to do. Now that I know, I am going to pursue it. Scary? oh my yes. Impossible? Nope.

I also want to be done with weight loss and just maintaining during the first year of my 30's..Ugh I hate saying 30's lol. But no seriously, I don't want to be dieting like crazy and working out like a loon every day for the rest of my life. Eat healthy? sure. Exercise? of course, but not to the extent that I am doing now. SO I have a 3 month goal to lose the last 15-20 pounds of grossness. 3 months of exercising, eating right, drinking a LOT of water, and trying to remain stress free. Stress causes weight gain. True story. I will be loading some before and after pics in about 3 weeks. I will of course keep my readers updated on my progress. All 3 of you =P  Wish me luck! This is a picture I had taken last year around this time. I plan on doing another shoot for my birthday =)

The Love 15

And no, I am not talking about tennis. When you go to college everyone jokes about the freshman 15. Well in my case it was the freshman 60...No joke. But I have seen in several relationships that once you get nice and cozy..you get a tad lazy. Myself included. When Tony first moved in I was doing my workouts, eating right, and still losing..Fast forward 7 months and I am working out a lot less, eating junk and have put on about 10 pounds. The crazy part is that I am just now realizing it. But there is hope!

You DO realize it eventually and hopefully you get back on the right path. Luckily for me, Tony has also put on a few pounds so he is ready to get back on the wagon too! Weight loss is a lifelong battle for me. I can't just ignore it. I can't eat whatever I want. I can't skip workouts, because I am one of those gals who can look at a cheesecake and put on a few pounds.

In order to stop this fat fest fast and not end up chubbily ever after I am going to try some things.

1. I need to remember that working out was important to me before and so now it needs to be more important than the netflix now =)

2. Making it a competition. Tony and I are both competitive so we push each other to our limits when working out.

3. Finding a reward that is worth working out for.

4. Exploring different healthy meals instead of pulling up the pizza hut website!

When I spiral back into a lazy lifestyle, I get hard on myself. I start getting frumpy and unhappy with my looks and it drags me into a hole of self pity fast. I HATE that Stacy. My friend Sherri lovingly calls that girl "fat Stacy" followed by "and fat Stacy was NOT a nice girl". So here I am, happy and in love and getting chunky and ready to get back on the right path.

The "Love 15" will not drag me down! I firmly believe that when you put on weight after starting a relationship you are becoming less of the person that your significant other fell in love with. Is that a little harsh? Maybe, but I know for myself that "fat Stacy" is not the same girl "somewhat skinny Stacy" is. And if I didn't love myself I can't accept someone else's love.

Yoga makes me violent...

 So I know that I promote Slim in 6 like it's God's gift to work out (cause it is)..But if it's not for you..It just isn't. There are so many different types of activities you can do to get in shape. Slim in 6 works for me. Want to know what doesn't? Yoga...Yoga makes me want to kill someone. It's not that it is overly hard or time consuming. It's the voice that comes with it..You know the soothing ahhh isn't this fun and relaxing I'm a dirty hippie voice? Maybe you don't hear it, but for me it's loud and screaming lol. Slim in 6 has a yoga part at the end of each phase that just riles me right up!

Personally, I like to run. Correction. I love to run. Why? Because it does not involve anyone but me. No trainer telling you to "push harder". No soothing "ahhhh isn't this fun"..No giggling about how great I am going to look when I am done. Just running. Simple. My boyfriend on the other hand, loves the extra push he gets from the lady on the tv saying "Just 8 more reps" when his legs are already feeling like jello. So joint work out sessions can be interesting in our house.

The point is, don't give up after just trying one work out. Try a bunch. www.beachbody.com is a great place to start. Their products come in a wide range of styles and levels and I trust the company.  I want to try a bunch of different ones but I am committed to 4 more weeks of Slim in 6 at the moment..4 more weeks of phase 3..ugh and 4 more weeks of ten minutes of yoga. But in 4 weeks I am going to be healthier, slimmer and more toned. And the yoga comes with it...as much as I hate it =)

I get by with a little help from my friends..

It has been 2 weeks today since my surgery....and I am itching to start working out again. But this time I am going to change it up. While Tony is going to start P90x, I am going to utilize the gym at my apartment complex for some serious cardio and weight training while doing yoga at home. I am sure that there are a billion other fitness guru's out there that will say there are better ways to get in shape, but I have GOT to change it up some or I am going to die of boredom with my past workouts. I am not looking to be the next Ms. Fitness (orange skin) USA..I just want to look decent..and I do look decent now I suppose, but I want to look decent enough that I can wear a bikini and not hear people making fat jokes in the background ya know?

Speaking of bikini's...I bought one. For the first time in 10 years I actually bought and wore a bikini..Did I look hot? Probably not. BUT I didn't look scary or blobbish..I look like I have a kid (thank you hips) and that I have lost a lot of weight recently (thank you loose skin)..Maybe next week I will be brave enough to post a pic...Ain't happening this week =) But I will post a pic that I am quite proud of. I went out this week with some friends and had a blast. I swear this new fun attitude all goes back to the fact that now that I am happier with my body I am happier with my life.

This blog is kind of ramblingish but the bottom line is..come Monday...it is on.. I am ready to work out and feel better and I have great people in my life that inspire me and make me feel that this long battle was not useless!

Learning from the Past

 Food is the centerpiece of our lives sometimes. Think back to your childhood. Where did the family gather? In my family it was always the kitchen. One kitchen in particular holds many memories for me.  My Grandmother's kitchen. Grandmother's kitchen always smelled like warm baked bread to me. I remember waking up in the morning and having a bowl of Post Toasties while grandmother made toast for Papa. Papa would come in whistling a hymn, usually "In the Garden" and we would all sit down and eat breakfast. 


Then come lunch time Grandmother would make Papa and me some Cream of Chicken Soup with pepper and crackers. And again we would all sit down and eat. She would have butterscotch ice cream ready for dessert. And any time anyone showed up she would offer them something to eat.  Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day that I lost the most important and influential man of my life. Papa. It's something I never have to this day gotten a grip on. However, today's blog is a reminder of how we eat now compared to 10-15 years ago.


In today's fast paced world how often can you say that your family sits down at the kitchen table and has a meal? I will be the first to tell you that I rarely do it. It's always grab and go or in front of the tv or in the car on the way to something else. This is something I want to change. I think that if our meals were planned out and we took the time to sit down and just eat, take our time, that we would see a significant change in not only our waist line, but in our life.


  I want my son to have the memories that I had of a family that enjoyed the break in the busy day to take time to spend with each other. And I want him to make good healthy food choices and that is not something he will learn if Mommy pulls in to McDonald's real fast every night instead of taking the time to cook and make sure that he is eating right. 


Today I am sitting here. Healing from my laproscoptic surgery that removed my gallbladder, thinking that now there is nothing holding me back from cooking for my family and making sure we all eat properly. It all comes down to making the time. Just like we make time to exercise and to watch our favorite tv show and so on and so on. 


Starting next week I am going to teach myself how to cook a new recipe twice a week. Something that is healthy and that stays within the guidelines of the final phase of my "lifestyle change" I will be blogging about these concoctions as I learn them on this blog. And you can bet your sweet patootie they will have carbs in them. 


RIP Papa
May 4th, 1999

What? I can't wear the Miley Cyrus line of clothes?!!

Alright ladies. I got inspired while cleaning out my closet to write a blog on weight gain/loss and clothing. Here's the deal. Unless you are ages 13-19 and have never had children you have no business trying to squeeze into a 5-7-9 pant. When you are setting weight loss goals do NOT set a ridiculous size goal. For instance, when I was in high school I was a size 7 sometimes 5. Will I ever be that size again? Nope. Will I be at the weight that I was in high school? Possibly. Then why can't  I wear those sizes? Because I am a woman. I have had a child and my twenties changed the shape of my body. When designers are making clothes in the odd size range they do not have late twenty mommy's in mind. And that is FINE. As long as you accept this you will not bounce out of your house looking like a sausage. For me, I realize that I can be a size 8 depending on who makes the jeans. In American Eagle I could be an 8 then walk my happy butt down to the GAP and be squeezing into a 10.

All jeans are not created equal..For some of you I know shopping sucks (I don't get it, but I know it) But you have to have to have try on several different types of jeans until you find the brand that fits you right. I recommend the new Levi's line because they come in all different shapes or sizes. Or go to your local Plato's closet and try on everything in the size you think you are. Have to go up a size? WHO CARES. Just focus on fit. If the size haunts you that much I suggest you go home and cut the tag out so that you don't see it and think that you're bigger than you are. When it comes to tops you can probably shop in the juniors section if you are not chesty. IF you are chesty do not try on tops until you get a bra fitting done. You will never find the right size if the twins are not in the right place. As a chesty woman, this sucks, because I will find a top that doesn't give me Hooter  girl cleavage but hangs at my waist making me look pregnant. Quite frustrating but you can find clothes that fit if you take the time to try. The cheaper the clothing the more likely it is to shrink and distort shape after being washed. So if it looked great in the store, it may not look the same after being washed one time.

Remember, it's all about FIT not size. No matter what you're weight is you can look amazing if you are wearing clothes that fit you right.  And if you are like me and in between sizes at the moment or close to your weight goal, hold off on buying clothes. So you have to walk around in some baggy clothes for a while, eh it will just inspire you to reach your goal faster so that you can buy the clothes you WANT.

So what's the lesson here? Clean out your closet. Do NOT hold onto the 10 pairs of size 5 jeans from high school. Trash them now or pass them down to a teenage niece. Do not hold onto the bigger clothes either. Donate them if you are not wearing them any longer..

And last but not least. Know that you can be beautiful. No matter what weight or size. Just take care of yourself. If you leave the house looking like something off of peopleofwalmart.com...then you are gonna feel that way.

SO...how's it going ?

I am so excited to announce that I am STILL losing weight. I have lost 5 more pounds in the last 2 weeks, and one of those weeks I could not work out due to a really bad chest cold. Slim in 6 is still my go to workout. I will be doing it for probably 5 more weeks and then moving to P90X. The weather...UGH. Cold weather does not really inspire working out. It's hard to think of the bikini season when you are in 15 degree weather. LUCKILY I live in Texas and it should be 60 by Valentines day. I took some more "before" pics for the new year. I didn't want to post them, but I logged on here and saw comments from people inspired by my blog! It inspired me to post my pic in a few weeks so I can post a 3 week after pic with it so that I can remind others and myself that it does NOT happen over night and I still have 29 pounds to go until I reach my new goal weight of 130..I am 10 pound ish from my first goal of 150 lbs. Don't give up! Working out is about 25% of the equation. EATING right is the other 75%. You have to make good food choices if you want to keep losing weight. <3

New Year, New Me

Welcome 2011! My fitness goals for this year are:

1. To lose my last 30 pounds of excess fat  
2. To do 90 days of P90x
3. To get as many people as possible to TRY Slim in 6 so that they too can realize that you CAN control your weight
4. To stop drinking Diet Coke ><
5. To run 5 miles.

Last year was a year of extreme change for me. I can't even begin to explain it. I wish I could start the year off right with exercise but due to the awesomeness of strep throat I have to wait 9 extra days before I can do my final round of Slim in 6. Once that is completed I plan on starting 90 days of P90x. Once those 90 days are up I want to train to run 5 miles.

I hope everyone makes a list of fitness goals for the new year. Just Push Play!