To be outstanding...Get comfortable with being uncomfortable

Well I did not blog for the last 9 months due to my pregnancy. I wasn't exactly the pillar of health I had been working at being in years past. Yes I know you can workout during pregnancy and be healthy but I was in a high risk pregnancy so when I asked if I could workout my OB answered with "consider walking your work out"... But I survived and 40 extra pounds later my super cute little boy is  here!



Seriously how cute is this baby?!?!



So now I have been given the clear to start working out again slowly but here's the kicker 3 months of bed rest have caused my muscles to pretty much give up on me. Walking is daunting, I have to take an intermission when blow drying my hair because my arms get sore..The idea of attempting a workout pretty much scares the crap out of me. I have to start somewhere. For the next few weeks that somewhere is going to be just that...blow drying my hair, walking, going back to work. As I get a grip on doing daily things I am going to start back with Slim in 6 and Shakeology. Go to  www.beachbody.com for product detail. I may even toss in some running eventually. This go around won't be easy. My heart is not back to where it should be yet thanks to this pesky little thing called PPCM.  I can't use that as an excuse though.  So cheer me on and say a prayer for anyone who catches a glimpse of me jogging =)

Wait...you mean I actually have to try and keep my resolution??

So I have seen a LOT of posts on Facebook from my friends who are resolving to lose some weight! First let me say, AWESOME! Now here's the fun part..actually doing it. Let me just say that in all my years of dieting and alllll my experience with friends and family dieting there is no way you are going to make this journey unless you WANT to. Saying you want, working out for a week or so, watching a few things here and there is nothing compared to that feeling when you just say "That's IT! I am done being fat"..I'm sure the politically correct way is to say "overweight" but don't church it up people..It's fat. I still need to lose at least 40 lbs of fat. SO here is my fun advice that I use and that others I know use and it has paid off!

1. Set a goal. A small one. Don't go into this thinking "I need to lose 50lbs" Baby steps, people. Start with 10 pounds..or if you really mean it, 20 pounds.

2. EAT! Wait wait what?? You want us to eat? Yup. If you are working out and doing some serious cardio your body is going to shut down on you if you don't get your calories in.  I use http://www.fitday.com/ to try and figure the right calories that I need to make my body keep working. If you skip meals or cut your calories to less than 1000 a day your body will go into freak out mode. Trust me.

3. Eat your carbs in the morning. I LOVE CARBS. For real. I could eat a bucket of mashed potatoes with gravy and biscuits right now.  I learned from Bob on the Biggest Loser that I can eat carbs but I should eat them in the morning or as a mid day snack. I am currently working on banishing carbs 4 hours before bed time. Wish me luck

4. If it goes in your mouth, write it down. At least until you figure out how many calories you are eating in a day. It's the only way you will know if you are eating enough or eating too much. You will be surprised when you see those numbers.

5. Be consistent. It will never work if you just diet 3 days a week or 6 days a week. If you skip your workout one day you need to make it up the next. This year I slacked off and on for a few months and put 15 lbs back on.

6. Realize that this is not going to happen overnight. Without plastic surgery you will not lose weight and keep it off if you crash diet. It doesn't take long to put that weight on but it's a pain in the rear to get it off.  If you have more than 50 lbs to lose I can say that this is a lifelong journey for you. You will have to keep eating healthy, keep working out even after you have lost the weight.  Once the weight is off those workouts won't be so bad.

7. Find someone...ANYONE to support you through this. I would never have made this journey if I didn't have my Tony right beside me every step of the way telling me that he believed in me. If you feel like you are on that island alone, send me a message and I will be on that island with you. Everyone needs someone to believe in them.

8. Water. Just drink it. A lot of it. Don't argue.

9.  Leave your excuses at the front door. If I don't come home and change right into my workout clothes I will find a million reasons not to work out. I am the queen of "But I'm tired, busy, pmsing, sick, a mommy...etc"  Those excuses will do nothing but keep you shopping in the "big girl/boy" section.

10. Reward yourself. Nothing feels better than a new pair of jeans when you have gone down a size or start putting a dollar away for every pound you lost and then spend it on whatever you want when you are done.

At the end of the day. It all comes down to you. If you are not ready to put in the effort than you are just not ready. All you can do is hope that someday you will have the will to save your own life.

What if I'm never thin?!

 This week has been an eye opener for me. Have you ever wanted to do something just to prove that you can? I have spent years and years avoiding issues. It's what I do best. I am one of the most non confrontational people I know. I let things stew inside me and eat me alive for a while until one thing just hits the wrong way and I explode. So on the outside I come across as somewhat of a butt kisser because it's easier for me to just say "I'm right on top of it, whatever you need" than to say "Wait a minute,no.." It's kind of how I have handled my lifelong journey of weight issues as well. Sure, I'm all over it! I'm working on it! Whatever you need. But I'm not. I'm not dealing with the real issue because that is painful, and who wants to deal with pain when it's so easy to avoid it?  Behind every obese person there is a reason for that obesity. Sure genetics play a factor, but genetics didn't put on all that weight...we did. Not only did we do it to ourselves but something had to have happened to trigger it. I've been doing some soul searching this week to figure out what my trigger was. The easy answer is the fact that I've never dealt with the fact that my grandfather died and I felt abandoned and alone on the inside for a long time. However, that's not it, because I have been struggling with my weight since high school. Since junior high..Since elementary school.

Digging more and more into my past and my weight issues I think I have finally solved the equation. I will NEVER be...a tiny girl. You know the girls I'm talking about..The ones who are just blessed thin.

See the first girl? That girl is the reason for my weight issues, because NO matter HOW much I work out or how much weight I lose I will NEVER look like this girl. Growing up with three sisters who did look like this girl confused me as a child, angered me as a teen, and depressed me as an adult. I never truly got it through my head that I am quite simply not built that way. And why not?! We have similar genes, why did I get the fat one? And honestly, I think my mom was a tad confused herself. It was like we both thought that I just wasn't trying hard enough to be thin. As my sweet boyfriend likes to put it, I'm a "farm girl".. I am sturdy...in other words, my body puts muscle on fast and regardless of how small I get I will always have broad shoulders and arm and leg muscles like a gymnast. Don't even get me started on my chest and face. My face is round and people say I was "blessed" with Pamela Anderson's fake boobs....I despise them but they are a part of me and unless I become a millionaire and buy myself a new body they are not going anywhere.

Bottom line, I woke up this morning and just decided that I can't be that thin girl, but I sure as heck was going to try and be as fit and thin as possible for my frame because I want to see what my body CAN look like.  Do I enjoy dieting and working out? About as much as I would enjoy being burned alive...But I will not quit, I will not give up, I will have setbacks, but I will get back on track. Impossible just became my new favorite word.

After all...tomorrow is another day

"I can't think about this now. I'll go crazy if I do. I'll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day"

One of my favorite movies of all time is Gone With the Wind. When I was younger my Papa introduced me to this wonderful movie. I had gone over to stay with him and my grandmother when I got a case of the mumps. He sat and watched the entire movie with me. I fell in love with the characters and from then on anytime I was feeling sick or down I would pop it in. There was something to be said for that silly woman and her amazing strength. Life threw so many obstacles her way and most were caused by her own doing but she overcame time and time again. My life has been a month of obstacles it seems. I can honestly say that I am beyond grateful that the month of October is over.

So here it is, a new month, a new day. I am sad because once again I have lost something that I have wanted so badly for so long. I have gone through so many emotions in the last 2 weeks that I am surprised my mind has survived. I have been angry, sad, grief stricken, annoyed, confused, hopeful, and lost. There is still a very small chance that all of this is for nothing, but I won't find out the end result until Friday. I don't need the doctor to confirm to me what I know I have already lost and I refuse to have hope for a better outcome. So this month will be a month of healing. I will pick myself back up, turn my back on the thoughts that I don't want to think, and will continue on with my life with just a memory of once again what could have been.

All this brings me to carbs. I turn to food when I am sad. I am an emotional eater. I know this and yet I let myself spiral into a 15lb weight gain in a 3 week period. I know that it will take a month or more to lose that weight and yet it went on sooo simply. The last time I was in this situation my circumstances were much worse. I had to have a very painful surgery with a painful recovery time. This time I don't have that so there is no excuse for me to continue to sit around this house and behave like my life is over. Everyone says all the things that I don't want to hear. I know they mean well, but I don't agree that "this happened for a reason, that there is a time for everything, that I will be ok and can try again"..I know all these things, I do, but my heart screams that they just don't understand..I've always been a tad dramatic according to my mother..I get it from her =)

So today I will allow myself this one last day of grief. I will go to the doctor on Friday and accept the outcome because I have already let go of the hope of a better one. I will pick myself up tomorrow and get back on my workout wagon. After all Elle in Legally Blonde said it best "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy" And I just want to be happy.

I couldn't have gotten through any of this without my Tony. I honestly know that he is the reason I have not let myself sink into that black hole of depression again. He keeps me happy and creates a tiny glimmer of hope that there are great things in our future. I also know that I am lucky to already have one amazing child who I live for and I don't want to teach him the wrong lessons. I want him to learn that tomorrow is another day and that by the grace of God he will get through life's obstacles.

Change is scary...Right?

So here in about 3 months I will be celebrating the first anniversary of my 29th birthday...ahem the big 3..0.. I am soooo not a fan of this but have decided that if I must be 30 I am at least going to do it looking good. AND HAPPY. There are so many areas of my life that I am happy with and some that I am not so happy with. For instance, I have worked at the same job for the past 11 years. Not a bad thing. But it's not my dream job. I think it took me 11 years to wake up and realize what it was I actually wanted to do. Now that I know, I am going to pursue it. Scary? oh my yes. Impossible? Nope.

I also want to be done with weight loss and just maintaining during the first year of my 30's..Ugh I hate saying 30's lol. But no seriously, I don't want to be dieting like crazy and working out like a loon every day for the rest of my life. Eat healthy? sure. Exercise? of course, but not to the extent that I am doing now. SO I have a 3 month goal to lose the last 15-20 pounds of grossness. 3 months of exercising, eating right, drinking a LOT of water, and trying to remain stress free. Stress causes weight gain. True story. I will be loading some before and after pics in about 3 weeks. I will of course keep my readers updated on my progress. All 3 of you =P  Wish me luck! This is a picture I had taken last year around this time. I plan on doing another shoot for my birthday =)

The Love 15

And no, I am not talking about tennis. When you go to college everyone jokes about the freshman 15. Well in my case it was the freshman 60...No joke. But I have seen in several relationships that once you get nice and cozy..you get a tad lazy. Myself included. When Tony first moved in I was doing my workouts, eating right, and still losing..Fast forward 7 months and I am working out a lot less, eating junk and have put on about 10 pounds. The crazy part is that I am just now realizing it. But there is hope!

You DO realize it eventually and hopefully you get back on the right path. Luckily for me, Tony has also put on a few pounds so he is ready to get back on the wagon too! Weight loss is a lifelong battle for me. I can't just ignore it. I can't eat whatever I want. I can't skip workouts, because I am one of those gals who can look at a cheesecake and put on a few pounds.

In order to stop this fat fest fast and not end up chubbily ever after I am going to try some things.

1. I need to remember that working out was important to me before and so now it needs to be more important than the netflix now =)

2. Making it a competition. Tony and I are both competitive so we push each other to our limits when working out.

3. Finding a reward that is worth working out for.

4. Exploring different healthy meals instead of pulling up the pizza hut website!

When I spiral back into a lazy lifestyle, I get hard on myself. I start getting frumpy and unhappy with my looks and it drags me into a hole of self pity fast. I HATE that Stacy. My friend Sherri lovingly calls that girl "fat Stacy" followed by "and fat Stacy was NOT a nice girl". So here I am, happy and in love and getting chunky and ready to get back on the right path.

The "Love 15" will not drag me down! I firmly believe that when you put on weight after starting a relationship you are becoming less of the person that your significant other fell in love with. Is that a little harsh? Maybe, but I know for myself that "fat Stacy" is not the same girl "somewhat skinny Stacy" is. And if I didn't love myself I can't accept someone else's love.

Yoga makes me violent...

 So I know that I promote Slim in 6 like it's God's gift to work out (cause it is)..But if it's not for you..It just isn't. There are so many different types of activities you can do to get in shape. Slim in 6 works for me. Want to know what doesn't? Yoga...Yoga makes me want to kill someone. It's not that it is overly hard or time consuming. It's the voice that comes with it..You know the soothing ahhh isn't this fun and relaxing I'm a dirty hippie voice? Maybe you don't hear it, but for me it's loud and screaming lol. Slim in 6 has a yoga part at the end of each phase that just riles me right up!

Personally, I like to run. Correction. I love to run. Why? Because it does not involve anyone but me. No trainer telling you to "push harder". No soothing "ahhhh isn't this fun"..No giggling about how great I am going to look when I am done. Just running. Simple. My boyfriend on the other hand, loves the extra push he gets from the lady on the tv saying "Just 8 more reps" when his legs are already feeling like jello. So joint work out sessions can be interesting in our house.

The point is, don't give up after just trying one work out. Try a bunch. www.beachbody.com is a great place to start. Their products come in a wide range of styles and levels and I trust the company.  I want to try a bunch of different ones but I am committed to 4 more weeks of Slim in 6 at the moment..4 more weeks of phase 3..ugh and 4 more weeks of ten minutes of yoga. But in 4 weeks I am going to be healthier, slimmer and more toned. And the yoga comes with it...as much as I hate it =)